Tuesday, March 31, 2009

12 > 10.

my bath happens in a bucket. thats how we do it here. so shaving my legs is not really...how do you say...not really high on the priority list.  But that doesn't even matter because people here do NOT shave their legs--they wax:) oh boy oh boy....please read on if you want. 

Yes, they wax. Basically you can wax anything you want (except your eyebrows, they thread the eyebrows). Like, if i wanted to get my whole body waxed (arms, back, legs, feet, stomach, wherever)...i could do that. if you wanted to do that when you came to india to visit me--i would know where to take you. i could help you out with that. we could go together...i digress....

So, i needed to get waxed. In the US i do the eyebrow/stash/chin wax all the time. Body hair gives you personality, and i have a really big personality. I haven't ever waxed my legs though,  since in the US it is really costly (60 -70$?).  i don't really know since i don't do it. Here however is a different story, its so cheap--well everything here is cheap compared to Seattle--but paying 4$ for a 2-3 week break from shaving my legs sounds like an excellent idea, and excellent break from the norm. God bless india. 

So, that should be good to go right? Its economical...great idea...everyone does it...they know what they are doing...But OH how i am such a coward in life. 

Everyone has a perception of themselves which is somewhat off. For example, I feel i am an adventurous person (as my friends laugh in my face)....when the truth is....i so do not like change. Now, i love the stories and experience and amazingness that all comes from being adventurous or seeking changes or whatever you want to call it, but if i was left to myself i would watch re-runs of Friends and eat the same salad with feta strawberries and balsamic vinegarette (omg) every night for the rest of my life. Im a homebody. i love my couch, i love routine. I am 1st and foremost an observer. In a new environment i don't talk, i don't make any decisions, i don't act, i don't think or do or anything --just watch.  And when i have watched enough and have warmed up to the situation I'll start doing. One morning  i found my legs had gotten so hairy i caught myself wondering what man had crept into my bed in the middle of the night.  I knew i had watched enough, so anna took me to the salon. They have wax, i have hair. Done.

The salon is called Panache -- nice place. I was greeted by 5 men standing around at the font desk, typical. Anna explained to them i only wanted a 1/2 leg done, so they would wax right above my knees. A full leg wax we thought was a little too traumatic for my 1st time:) that will be another blog im sure.

A woman appeared from behind the corner and i was taken into a room with three padded tables with sheets hanging in between them for privacy. I changed into the 'special pants' and laid down--the wrong direction at fist (doing things the wrong way is the way i do things here apparently)--but then i worked it all out and we were good to go. She put some baby power on my legs to dry them off, mixed the wax, and applied it -- slapped the strip on top and gave it a couple rubs. At this point, I felt something was a little off....not wrong...but different. I glanced down at her, didn't notice anything in particular, and looked back up at the ceiling.  She knew what she was doing, this is what she does -- i thought to myself. She is this petite little young indian woman, all business. Sit here. Do this. Straighten your leg and foot like that. She doesn't pull any punches. 

I have always been supremely self conscious of the largeness of my feet and calves. Mom says that my feet and hands are big because i was supposed to grow into them as a got taller, but was so traumatized growing up (go figure) --my growth was stunted and i was stuck with monkey appendages within a 5' 5" frame. I fit into a size 10 shoe when i was 10 years old and when i was 18 an african friend told that if we were abandoned on a desert island together, he would eat my calves because they were so 'big and juicy'. we aren't really friends anymore.  india -- the land of perfectly small beautiful women--welcomes elizabeth the silverback. Anyway, the sight of this woman wielding my huge calves and feet in her small childlike hands gave me visions of a lost boy at Peter Pan's feast eating a giant turkey leg -- or an indian Little Cindy Lou Who was attempting to wax the Sasquatch. .......there i said it. But apparently it didn't matter to her, she had seen it all. I needed to get over myself....back to the waxing.

RRRRRRIIP! HOLY wow. that hurt. That REALLLY hurt. RRRRRRRRIIP! I began breathing, pacing myself...i took a deep breath...and blew out as she was ripping it off. RIIIIIIIIIP!  DAMN it hurt. I was totally sold on natural childbirth until i got my legs waxed for the 1st time. The back of my legs hurt MUCH more than the fronts.....toward the end I was 'OH!' 'HOLY !$%*ing' all over the place, and then apologizing "theek (teekay), sab theek" (OK, its okay) -- thats all i could tell her. that i wasn't dying. She worked very quickly, did a great job. It seemed she was equipped with super hands, super small, but super all the same.

Again, I peered down the side of the table to watch her work and identify that strange feeling??????? What could it be? 

I counted her fingers....1, 2, 3, 4, 

I counted them again.....7, 8, 9...and delighted in my discovery...

Not 10, but 12 was my final answer :) Homegirl had 2 extra pinkies, one for each hand. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. suddenly my throbbing legs weren't a problem anymore. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO exciting:) I am so lucky. ONLY in india #374.

Here are some pictures from my legs traumatized after the waxing....they were totally fine the next day...no te preocupes.


  1. You are a wonderful story teller. I hope your followers know that anything you say about your mother is near fabrication.

  2. This totally cracked me up, awesome story. Keep them coming.

  3. don't go with the full leg.
    heed my warning.


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